Category
45 articles
What happens when you want something or someone very badly but something keeps getting in the way? Think about the times you feel sad or hurt for much longer than you expected. A big goal didn’t happen. Or maybe you can’t do something you really like, whether that’s doing an activity or going…
Why do I still feel anxious even after my partner reassures me? Because not all reassurance is built the same way, and your body can tell the difference even when your mind can’t explain it. When someone reassures you, part of you checks three things without asking permission first: did they…
What does a high-trust relationship actually look like? It mostly looks normal. One person might forget to text back, or the other might get annoyed by the room temperature, but a few minutes later, you are both talking about what to eat for dinner. Neither person spends the whole night worrying…
Moving to a new city is exciting.. and stressful. Here’s how relocation affects mental health and how therapy can help you navigate the transition.
Most of us were taught to mistrust the very feelings that make us human. In Affect Relational Theory (A.R.T.), I focus on five core feelings: affective responses that guide emotional life before we even have language.
Group therapy is one of the most powerful, affordable, and transformative mental health services available today. Whether you’re searching for group therapy near you, support groups in Atlanta or Washington, D.C., or looking for online group therapy options, the benefits are profound and deeply…
As a psychologist who has worked with many couples, I’ve seen firsthand how damaging blame can be in relationships. It creates a divide, fueling resentment, frustration, and a sense of helplessness. When couples get stuck in this cycle, it often feels like there’s no way out. But the truth is,…
Understanding and identifying affects is the foundation of emotional and relational intelligence. If you want to improve your relationships, communication, and overall emotional well-being, recognizing these core feelings in yourself and others is not optional—it’s essential. Affects are the…
A.R.T.-Based Guidelines for Resolving Differences Healthy Disagreement and Affective Awareness Disagreements and differences are an inevitable and expected part of any relationship. This reassurance can help you navigate these moments confidently, knowing they are not signs of failure but growth…
Start Identifying CSS in your life with this article as your guide. We often hear about burnout, imposter syndrome, and anxiety in the workplace. But there’s another condition that may be holding back countless professionals: Chronic Shame Syndrome (CSS). If you’ve ever felt fundamentally flawed…
Emotional void. We humans are born curious creatures who crave agency. If anything defines being human, it is the desire to make our world coherent and feel better. Our most fundamental questions center around these issues from childhood until our final moments. We are biologically wired to be…
Understanding regret – a universally human experience, a sentiment that resonates with each of us. Whether it’s a career decision we wish we could take back, a relationship we wish we had handled differently, or simply a moment we wish we could redo; regret can linger in our minds, influencing…
Here’s how you can begin your journey back to the feeling console, embracing your entire emotional self with the help of Affect Relational Theory (A.R.T.): 1. Recognize All Affects/Emotions The ‘feeling console’ is a metaphor for your emotional center, where all your feelings and affects are…
Understanding our emotions and how they work can often feel like a puzzle. Affect Theory, a concept developed by psychologist Silvan Tomkins, offers a fascinating framework for unraveling this puzzle. This theory explains how our basic affects—simple, automatic responses to stimuli—combine to…
As a licensed psychologist with over three decades of experience, I’ve observed a recurring pattern in many of my patients that I’ve come to call Chronic Shame Syndrome. While not an official diagnosis, this condition affects countless individuals, significantly impacting their daily lives and…
Welcome to the Meaningful Happiness podcast, where we explore emotions and the feelings that shape our lives. I’m Dr. Scott Conkright, the host of this podcast and the founder of the platforms Meaningful Happiness and The Relationship Workshops. Today, we dive into Understanding Chronic Shame…
Welcome back to the Meaningful Happiness Podcast, where we explore the intricate world of emotions and relationships through the innovative framework of Affect Relational Therapy. I’m Dr. Scott Conkright, and today, we’re diving into the fascinating world of emotions, affects, and what I like to…
Welcome back to the Meaningful Happiness Podcast, where we explore the intricate world of emotions and relationships through the innovative framework of Affect Relational Therapy. I’m Dr. Scott Conkright, and today we’re diving into the emotional rollercoaster of adolescence as depicted in…
Shame is your spirit guide. Shame motivates you to correct real or imagined “bad” things, improve them, and bring you closer to some ideal – full knowledge and a sense of belonging to everyone, including God. Shame is also a protector. And it will protect you with the best weapons it has been…
In our perpetual quest for happiness, we often navigate through many experiences, ideologies, and self-help doctrines, seeking a recipe that promises fleeting joy and meaningful happiness. Yet, what if the key to such profound contentment lies not in achieving a state of blissful stasis but in…
Scott: I am curious about the implications if we started writing history from the point of view of what effects were salient at the time. ChattyG: Writing history from the perspective of affect, as outlined in Tomkins’s theory of innate affects, would fundamentally alter our understanding and…
What causes attachment styles? This comprehensive exploration delves into how attachment styles, conceptualized through the lenses of anxious-ambivalent, avoidant, and disorganized categories, play a crucial role in shaping individuals’ strategies for managing shame and vulnerability. It…
This is the first in a series of conversations I had with Chatgpt about AI, Affect Theory, and how to code for feelings. I cleaned up the chat with Grammerly to make it easier to read (and fix obvious grammar and spelling issues.) You are otherwise getting the chat in its entirety. From my first
Scott: Now, help me make sense of a comparison between the two theories you provided in another chat: Both the Affect Theory of Brian Massumi and the work of Silvan Tomkins are significant in the realm of affect studies, but they approach the subject from somewhat different perspectives. Let’s…
Imagine standing on a breezy hill at dusk, watching a flock of birds dance across the sky. Each bird, seemingly mindful of its neighbors, moves in a harmonious ballet of dips, rises, splits, and converges. This mesmerizing natural spectacle, known as a murmuration, is a wonder of nature and the…
The Claustral: Safe Haven or Self-Suffocation? When I’m at conventions, like I was a couple of weeks ago in DC, after a long day of being with others, even the relative unfamiliarity and intentional impersonalness of my hotel room can provide emotional comfort and sustenance. It becomes my room;…
Blamecasting, shaming, and gaslighting are distinct tactics used in relationships that can negatively impact an individual’s emotional well-being and self-perception. Still, they differ significantly in their approaches and effects. Blamecasting: Blamecasting, a term I coined to explain this…
Today, I’d like to introduce you to two concepts rooted in Affect Relational Theory that have profound implications for your journey in the start-up world: Divine Discontentment and Comfortable Complacency. Imagine, for a moment, the thrill of a new venture, the spark of an innovative idea, or…
Finding common ground can feel like navigating a minefield blindfolded in the heat of a high-intensity moment, whether at work, with friends, or at home. The words we choose in these moments can act as a compass, guiding us toward mutual understanding and cooperation. Communication isn’t just…
Understanding the interplay between affect and cognition is more crucial than ever in a world where our emotional responses often guide our perception of problems and opportunities. Whether it’s the anxiety of unexpected financial burdens or the exhilaration of a spontaneous trip to Paris, our…
It’s easy to assume that our political leanings result from well-informed, rational deliberations. But what if I told you that your intellect and emotions are the real driving force behind your political stance? Yes, that’s right — it’s not just what you think but how you feel that guides your…
The Music and Movement of the Self: Understanding Our Affective/Emotional World Let’s examine the interplay of affect theory, attachment styles, vitality affects, and interoception. This exploration delves into how these elements interact to shape our affective-emotional experiences,…
In this new era of artificial intelligence (AI), where machines can diagnose diseases, drive cars, and even mimic human conversation, an unbridgeable gap remains: the absence of vitality affects. These dynamic qualities of emotional experiences encompass our feelings’ rhythm, tempo, intensity,…
Have you ever wondered why a simple ‘like’ on social media or a heartfelt comment can brighten your day? Why do we yearn for genuine connections despite the unpredictable rhythms of our daily lives? Dive with me into the fascinating realm of Affect Relational Theory as we explore the profound…
The constant barrage of tasks and decisions facing leaders and teams often leaves them feeling overwhelmed and disconnected from their core objectives. The challenge of distinguishing between what’s urgent and what’s truly important is a familiar struggle. But what if there was a way to navigate…
Today, let’s delve into a pivotal yet often undervalued aspect of therapeutic work: shame, through the lens of Silvan Tompkins’ affect theory. Understanding and addressing shame within this framework is not just an academic exercise; it’s a crucial component of effective therapy and personal…
In today’s digital age, social media has become a pivotal arena for self-exploration and identity formation, best understood by the concept Jacques Lacan described as the Imaginary. The Imaginary, the Symbolic, and the Real are the three constraining universal forces we all live within, which he…
Are you seeking a deeper connection in your relationship but getting lost in the turbulence of misunderstandings and emotional storms? Discover how Affect Relational Theory (A.R.T.) principles can guide you through these challenges. Just like pilots use the “Aviate, Navigate, Communicate” mantra…
The Invisible Chains: Shame in Intimate Relationships Shame is a potent, often covert force that can erode the foundations of our intimate relationships. It exploits our insecurities, perceived flaws, or vulnerabilities, effectively maintaining a power imbalance within the partnership. When one…
Imagine you’re wearing a pair of colored sunglasses – let’s say they’re blue. Everything you see through those glasses will have a blue tint. No matter how much you try to convince yourself that what you see is the actual color, the blue tint will always influence your perception. Think of…
Silvan Tompkins, a prominent thinker in psychology, had a unique take on shame. According to him, shame is like an automatic, built-in response that kicks in whenever something blocks our good vibes, precisely the excitement of discovering new things or the joy we feel when we’re having a great…
Are you seeking a deeper connection in your relationship but getting lost in the turbulence of misunderstandings and emotional storms? Discover how Affect Relational Theory (A.R.T.) principles can guide you through these challenges. Just like pilots use the “Aviate, Navigate, Communicate” mantra…
Have you ever noticed how the vibe of a message changes with the tone, even if the words are the same? This is what ‘vitality affects’ is about, a concept brought to life by psychologist Daniel Stern. They’re not just regular feelings but the energy, rhythm, and intensity behind our daily…
You’re not alone if you’re navigating the challenging waters of unemployment. But did you know that understanding and managing the shame often associated with job loss can be your secret weapon in this journey? Affect Relational Therapy (A.R.T.) offers a unique perspective on how to turn this…
I have been conducting, teaching and writing about group therapy for over 25 years. I have seen people’s lives transformed by the incredible power it has to provide communality of experience, support for examining oneself and subsequently making hard decisions from these insights, and getting…