What I Learned Talking About Midlife Crisis, Shame, and Latalescence on the Men’s Online Therapy Podcast

A few weeks ago, I joined Mark Azoulay on the Men’s Online Therapy Podcast to talk about something that has become central to both my work and my life: Latalescence.

If the word is new to you, it’s because I recently coined it. Think of it as “late adolescence.” But unlike adolescence, which happens once in youth, Latalescence can begin at any age. It starts the moment you decide to take responsibility for your life story. It’s about actively participating in your own narration, questioning the script you were handed in childhood and adolescence, and choosing what still fits and actively taking charge of how your story gets written going forward.

Latalescence is a call to bring the curiosity and openness of a beginner’s mind into the second (or third, or even fourth) act of life. It’s about reclaiming agency, about making sense of your life as it unfolds, and rewriting the story so it reflects who you are becoming, not just who you’ve been. This empowerment is at the heart of Latalescence.

Aging Isn’t Something to be Ashamed of. 

One of the stories I shared with Mark was about lying awake in pain and wondering, Is this just aging? But then I remembered: I had felt the exact same pain 20 years earlier. Back then, I didn’t think of it as old age. It was just life.

That moment shifted everything for me. The problem isn’t aging. The real issue is how shame is weaponized around aging. Shame is what convinces us to believe the lies: that we’re too old to be attractive, too stuck to start over, or too late to matter. Shame tells us to hand over the pen when life is actually inviting us to keep writing. This passive attitude can start in one’s twenties or creep in around retirement. Either way, it is not destiny. Latalescence is the alternative. 

Why Connection Matters

Mark and I also talked about how lonely this stage of life can feel, especially for men. In Greece, I watched four generations laugh together over dinner, caring for one another. In contrast, too many men here in the U.S. end up isolated, alone after a spouse has died, or pushed out of the workplace without a role to play.

That isolation feeds the shame story. But in my groups and workshops, I see the opposite: when people come together to talk honestly about shame, loneliness, and the messiness of being human, something remarkable happens. Shame doesn’t disappear, but it loses its grip. We begin to rewrite our stories, not in isolation, but in community.

The Gift of Latalescence

This is what Latalescence offers. Whether you’re 25 and realizing your parents’ script doesn’t fit you, or 65 and looking wide-eyed at the benefits of not being mandated to go to work, you have the chance to pause and ask: Does this story still work? If the answer is no, then it’s time to write a new one. This is the ultimate growth mindset!

One of the most liberating aspects of our conversation was exploring the idea of surrender. Men are often taught that surrender equals weakness, but the opposite is true. Real surrender, which I view as the acceptance of our limits, our humanity, and even our mortality, opens the door to freedom. Growing older doesn’t mean shrinking. It means discovering new forms of becoming.

Take This With You

Whether or not you listen to the podcast, here’s the heart of the conversation:

Your story isn’t over. Not by a long shot. Every stage of life offers a chance to keep growing, keep connecting, and keep becoming. That’s the gift of Latalescence, and it’s a message of hope and optimism that byI was honored to share with Mark and his listeners.

Watch the full episode here:

 Read Mark’s Perspective here: Men’s Online Therapy Podcast

Even more goodness from the fine gentlemen at Mens Therapy Online

Reflective Questions for You

• Where in your life are you still living out a story someone else wrote for you?
  
  
• What would it look like to rewrite that story to reflect who you are becoming, not just who you’ve been?
  
  
• Who could walk alongside you as you enter your own Latalescence, helping you stay connected and accountable?

 

Don’t wait to unlock the full potential of your relationship!

Together, we can develop the tools you need for a stronger, more fulfilling partnership. For anyone looking to deepen their understanding of these concepts or to start their journey toward a resilient, fulfilling relationship, I’m here to help.

Contact Dr. Scott Conkright today to schedule a consultation.

(404) 315-7150

Dr. Scott Conkright, Psy.D., P.C.