The Shame Quiz

1 / 15

Your partner is challenged by a family member on a controversial topic. How do they react?

Avoids future discussions or gatherings where the topic might arise again.

Assesses the value of the opinion, tries to speak honestly while also keeping things calm.

Withdraws from the conversation, avoiding further conflict.

Begins to doubt their stance, wondering if they're wrong.

Tries to smooth over the disagreement with humor or changing the subject.

Insists the family member is biased or uninformed

2 / 15

Your partner receives feedback that they need to contribute more to household chores. How do they react?

Starts an elaborate cleaning schedule they need help to possibly keep up with.

Points out the one time you forgot to do your part, turning the focus away from themselves.

Says very little and becomes distant whenever chores are mentioned.

Begins spending more time outside the house, thus avoiding chores altogether.

Openly and non-defensively helps me problem solve.

Admits they're terrible at chores and suggests hiring help instead of trying to improve.

3 / 15

How does your partner react to being sick and needing care?

Becomes sullen and withdrawn, not wanting to talk about how they're feeling.

Prefers to be alone, retreating to bed, and avoiding interaction.

Complains about the lack of care they’re receiving, shifting attention from their illness.

Insists they're not that sick and tries to carry on as normal, hiding their vulnerability.

Apologizes for being a burden and suggests you'd be better off not having to care for them.

Openly expresses their need for care.

4 / 15

Your partner is feeling overwhelmed with work. How do they communicate this to you?

They become quiet, giving vague answers when you ask how their day was.

They express their feelings and ask for support.

They admit feeling overwhelmed but then distract themselves with tasks unrelated to work.

They start spending more time working late at the office to avoid discussing their stress.

They downplay their stress, insisting everything is under control when you can tell it's not.

They claim their workload would be alright if not for your demands on their time.

5 / 15

When your partner feels they're not contributing enough to the relationship, how do they express it?

Withdraws affection and becomes more introspective.

Admits feeling useless or like a burden.

Accuses you of not recognizing their contributions.

They ask for time to discuss how they feel.

Starts to pull back, investing less time and energy into the relationship.

Overcompensates with gifts or uncharacteristically grand romantic gestures.

6 / 15

After a disagreement, your partner feels they were wrong. How do they approach the situation?

They avoid being around you, perhaps by extending their gym time or working late.

They remind you of a time you were wrong, shifting focus from their mistake.

They start pointing out their own flaws, agreeing with all your points without genuine reflection.

They withdraw, becoming less affectionate or talkative than usual.

They act as if nothing happened and are overly cheerful, avoiding the topic.

They admit guilt and apologize.

7 / 15

How does your partner respond when you need more emotional support?

Acknowledges this need and makes time for it.

Promises grand gestures of support but often fails to follow through.

Criticizes themselves for being a bad partner without making concrete changes.

Starts spending more time away from home, citing work or other obligations.

Points out times when they needed support and didn't receive it from you.

Acknowledges your request but becomes more emotionally distant.

8 / 15

How does your partner react when excluded from a social event with your friends?

Withdraws and doesn’t express any interest in future events with your friends.

Acknowledges the disappointment without complaining.

Pretends not to care and posts about having a fantastic time doing something else.

Claims they probably wouldn’t have been fun to be around anyway.

Starts avoiding gatherings, even with mutual friends, to prevent feeling excluded again.

Suggests your friends might not like them because of something you said.

9 / 15

Your partner is not happy with their physical appearance. How do they express this?

Acknowledges their disappoint without too much self shaming.

Comments negatively on your appearance or habits as a deflection.

Talks down about themselves, focusing on their perceived flaws.

Withdraws from intimacy, citing tiredness or not feeling well.

Avoids situations where their appearance is highlighted, like going to the beach.

Overcompensates with excessive grooming or shopping for new clothes.

10 / 15

When planning a date night, your partner can't decide where to go. How do they handle it?

They insist on picking a place they think will impress you, even if it's not their first choice.

They go along with your suggestion but need to be more excited and engaged with the plan.

They withdraw from the conversation and suggest you go out with friends instead.

They blame the indecision on your previous complaints about their choices.

They joke about being the "worst date planner" and suggest staying in instead.

They acknowledge their lack of preference and are flexible.

11 / 15

After a social event, you notice your partner seemed uncomfortable. What do they say about it?

Insists they had a great time and found everyone interesting.

Doesn't say much, even when asked directly about their experience.

Suggests the others at the event were not welcoming or interesting.

When ready, they share about their discomfort.

Admits they probably embarrassed themselves in some way.

Prefers to avoid attending similar events in the future, with little explanation.

12 / 15

How does your partner deal with jealousy or insecurity within the relationship?

Closes off emotionally, not sharing feelings of jealousy or insecurity.

Accuses you of giving them reasons to feel jealous or insecure.

Pulls away, spending more time alone or with others outside the relationship.

Acknowledges their insecurity and is open to discuss it with me non-defensively.

Overcompensates by being overly affectionate or bragging about their desirability.

Puts themselves down, suggesting you could find someone better.

13 / 15

When discussing life goals and dreams, how does your partner behave?

Downplays their ability to achieve their dreams, citing past failures.

Criticizes your goals as unrealistic, avoiding talking about their own.

Listens but shares very little about their own hopes, keeping things close to the chest.

Avoids such discussions, claiming they're content with how things are.

Talks about very high ambitions, possibly more than they can realistically achieve.

With curiousity and the hope of sharing a common dream.

14 / 15

Your partner is nervous about meeting your family for the first time. What do they do?

Expresses concerns about not being good enough or likable.

Goes overboard in trying to impress, rehearsing stories and facts about themselves.

Gets quiet and reserved, worried about making a good impression.

Admits that they may mess up out of nervousness and asks for forgiveness in advance.

Tries to postpone the meeting, citing various reasons for their reluctance.

Suggests your family might be judgmental based on stories you've shared.

15 / 15

When your partner makes a mistake at home (e.g., breaking a dish), how do they usually react?

Oops, I'll fix that.

They mention how often you've made similar mistakes.

They immediately start another task, like cleaning up, but do it rushed and frustratedly.

They laugh it off and say, "Only perfect people never make mistakes."

They excuse themselves and retreat to another room.

They become unusually quiet and refrain from discussing what happened.

Ready to find out if you're partner is Facade Crafting, Self-Retreating, Blamecasting, Emotional Ghosting, Self-Sabotaging, or Well-Adjusted?

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Embark on a journey around the wheel of shame!

This fun and insightful assessment explores the unique ways you and your partner navigate through bouts of embarrassment or vulnerability. Rate each other at your most uncomfortable moments, in a spirit of playfulness and discovery. It’s a chance to laugh, learn, and deepen your connection through understanding each other’s defense mechanisms.

Why join in? This isn’t just a game, but a chance to foster empathy and strengthen your bond. Together, you’ll uncover the quirky defenses that might just be the reasons you adore each other, or find new appreciation for your shared vulnerabilities.

Grab your partner, relax, and enjoy uncovering the mysteries of your Shame Evasion Spokes—let’s grow individually and together, one question at a time! Get started below.

Disclaimer for Assessment Tools

Please note that all assessment tools on this site are only provided for informational and entertainment purposes. They have not been scientifically validated and should not be used as diagnostic tools. The results of these assessment tools are not intended to represent professional psychological or medical advice. They have yet to undergo formal reliability and validity testing, so their results might not accurately reflect consistent or universally applicable outcomes.

We encourage individuals to use these tools as a starting point for self-reflection and exploration, not a definitive assessment of their psychological state or personality. We strongly recommend consulting a qualified healthcare provider or psychologist for personalized advice or mental health concerns.

By proceeding with this assessment tool, you acknowledge and agree that you use it and its results at your discretion and risk, and that you will not hold Scott Conkright, Psy.D., or anyone on his team liable for any decisions or actions you take following your participation.

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